Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens
by Kim John Payne & Luis Fernando Llosa
Parenting | bullying | child development
PRICE: $17.95 US • $23.95 CAN
FORMAT: Paperback
ISBN: 978-161180-564-2
Shambhala Publications
Distributed by Penguin Random House
Essential reading for parents of grade schoolers through teens experiencing bullying, social exclusion, and teasing.
The tween and teen years are rife with intense social challenges in school, friendships, sport, and other activities where instances of teasing, bullying, social exclusion, and marginalization are unfortunately all too common. Social media has only made this behavior easier and more insidious. Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens gives parents vital, proactive strategies to help build strong family relationships that foster trust and connection so that kids can be better prepared for the inevitable social challenges that life brings.
Kim John Payne, a leading education consultant and parenting expert, and Luis Fernando Llosa, a writer and longtime sports coach, offer guidance and practical advice to parents, along with ten inspirational stories by young adults who have navigated bullying, teasing, and social exclusion—and triumphed.•
• BULLYING IS A PUBLIC HEALTH THREAT: One out of every five students report being bullied. Students who experience bullying are at increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, lower academic achievement, and dropping out of school.
• THE POWER OF SHARED EXPERIENCE: The stories provide kids with first-hand examples of peers who have struggled with bullying and have become significantly more resilient in their lives. In educational settings, Payne has found this kind of experience sharing to be very effective invalidating and empowering teens.
• PARENTS, TEENS, AND EDUCATORS LEARN CRITICAL ANTI-BULLYING SKILLS AND STRATEGIES, INCLUDING: How to figure out why you are being teased; how to handle rumors; how to deal with physical bullying; and much more.
• A PARENTING DILEMMA—DO WE STEP IN OR NOT? Parents feel a primal need to protect their child who is unhappy, hurt, or excluded. But parents run the risk of overreacting, getting overly involved, and embarrassing their child—and unintentionally block their child’s pathway to personal growth by attempting to solve their problems for them. The authors instead show parents how to stand behind and beside their child; so that in the end the child can say, “We figured this out and then I did it on my own!”
Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens is essential reading for parents and care-givers, educators, coaches, and anyone working teenagers.
ADVANCE PRAISE:
“In a world of hot tips and Instagram memes that go puddle deep, Kim John Payne and Luis Fernando Llosa have found a better way to help. Stories are how we learn best, and they don’t preach or patronize. This is a life-saving book to help kids rise above the put-down culture that modern life has become.”
—STEVE BIDDULPH, author of Raising Boys and Raising Girls
“With clear, hands-on tools fore both parents and kids, this book gives tweens and teens a chance to build resilience in the face of bullying and the skills they’ll need to believe in themselves and improve their lives going forward.”
—MITCH ABBLETT, Ph.D., author of Prizeworthy
“This book shows tweens and teens that if they’re being excluded or teased, they’re not alone; it then emboldens them with specific responses and strategies to impact their social dynamics. Payne and Llosa guide parents to be both a safe haven and a launching pad, so kids feel connected and confident to venture out to navigate the world.”
—TINA PAYNE BRYSON, LCSW, Ph.D., coauthor of The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline
KIM JOHN PAYNE, M.ED., has been a counselor, educator, consultant, and researcher for over thirty years and is the author of several acclaimed books, including Simplicity Parenting, The Soul of Discipline, and Being at Your Best When Your Kids Are at Their Worst.
LUIS FERNANDO LLOSA is an award-winning Peruvian-Ukrainian American sportswriter, editor, speaker, investigative reporter, and youth sports consultant who has worked with kids and teens as a coach for twenty-five years. Llosa is the coauthor of Beyond Winning.
Beyond Winning: Smart Parenting in a Toxic Sports Environment
These days it seems everyone has a youth sports horror story—whether it’s about a tyrant coach obsessed with his team record that only plays the best kids on the team, or a parent who publicly berates his kid for not making a goal. But should it really only be all about winning? What about having fun, learning a sport, and developing athletic skills?
Beyond Winning with Whole Child Sports offers an alternative approach to teaching sports to kids. It deemphasizes short-term goals like winning and youth championships and discourages the introduction of adult-oriented, league-structured competition. Instead it emphasizes training techniques and coaching strategies aimed at improving core strength, balance, and creativity in aspiring athletes, using an age-appropriate four-stage timeline, based on a child’s physical, psychological, and neurological development.
Beyond Winning with Whole Child Sports provides frustrated parents with help in the form of advice and concrete solutions to common questions, and step-by-step instructions for helping young children develop athletic ability in an environment that’s less structured while encouraging athletic and personal growth. It also reveals how to avoid bullying, trash talk, and elitism.
Elite sports are all too often tarnished by a pervasive win-at-all-costs mentality. But every elite athlete starts as an innocent kid out there playing fun games. Beyond Winning provides common sense, practical guidance to all who value true sport and recognize this win-at-all costs youth sports culture victimizes our children. As parents of three kids playing sports, my wife and I will use this resource to do our best to ensure our kids learn positive lessons in life through sports.
—Travis Tygart, CEO of the United States Anti-Doping Agency
I would’ve loved to have Beyond Winning as a resource when my kids were younger. It’s loaded with ideas and practical advice. With this book in hand you’ll no longer struggle to come up with ways to encourage your kids to go outside and play. But I also love the practical approach to dealing with so many unfortunate circumstances which arise in youth sports today.
—Boomer Esiason, In-studio CBS analyst for The NFL Today and former NFL quarterback.
Playing at sports is a huge part of childhood. So why are most American kids getting turned off sport by the time they should be really leaping into it? This book takes what we all know – that sport has gone sour and stressful for many parents and kids – and delivers answers – clear ideas for how to guide your child and teenager towards happy physical activity right through their growing up and beyond.
Every dilemma you have ever faced seems to have been addressed, in concrete and specific ways, by people who know kids sport inside out, and want to bring it out of the dark place it has sunk into, and make it fun, exuberant, and strengthening once again.
—Steve Biddulph, Australian psychologist and author of Raising Boys, Manhood, and Raising Girls. He is largest selling author of child development books in the world with over four million copies sold.
At a time when – rightly or wrongly – youth sports have become a cultural crucible, so important to so many, it is imperative that our coaches are strong, ethical and empathetic. Reading this book as a both a sportswriter and youth sports coach, I lost track of how often I nodded in agreement about observations or proscriptions. If we’re serious about imbuing sanity and values into the burgeoning youth sports “universe,” I can think of no better to way start than by reading this book.
—L.J. Wertheim, Senior Writer with Sports Illustrated and co-author of Scorecasting: The Hidden Influences Behind How Sports are Played
Purchase a CopyWe get what we tolerate. If we demand excellence from our youth organizations, we will get it. If we apply the wisdom we find in Beyond Winning, we have a better shot at making youth sports a more positive experience.
So, get involved! I did, just as my son and daughter were starting to play soccer nine years ago. I didn’t have any big plans back then to change the face of New York City soccer, but one thing sort of leads to another… as you will find out. In the end, nothing is more important than the lessons ALL our children can learn from playing on a team where they are encouraged to take risks, learn from their mistakes, accept differences, and persevere. Such experiences serve them their whole lives.
—Dana DiPrima, Commissioner, West Side Soccer League, NYC – the largest all-volunteer AYSO region in the United States with 4,000 players ages 5 to 18 and 6,000-plus parents.
Learn More About Whole Child Sports